Young Warrior

"You named him Warrior", said the wise old woman looking me directly in the eye. "Then you're frustrated when he lives up to his name".

I was at a workshop several years ago, recounting a story about Kellen to a small group of mothers of kids with special needs. The facilitator of the group listened intently. I talked about what a struggle most morning were, trying to get Kellen off to school. One morning when he was about 8 years old, he stalled and stalled and wouldn't eat his breakfast. I decided to bring his plate outside so he could snack on his grapes, cheese and crackers while were were waiting for the school bus to pull up.

Once outside, he still wouldn't eat. I gave up and set his plate down on the house-end of the driveway while we waited at the street-end of the driveway. Just as he saw the bus round the corner and head down our street, he turned and ran for his plate of food. I must have read his mind, as I knew exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to grab his plate so he could take it on the bus with him. Food on the bus is a big no-no, and I think even back then, he knew that. As I saw him turn, I also turned and raced him back to the plate to see if I could foil his plan and circumvent a bigger problem when I would need to take the plate away from him before he got on the bus.

While I was running, I had to literally think on my feet. I knew that I would need to quickly get rid of the food or Kellen would choose not to get on the bus. Smooth as any professional athlete, I ran to the plate, picked it up with one fluid motion and threw the whole thing over the backyard fence. My plan worked perfectly, Kellen was quite an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of kiddo back then. As soon as the food was over the fence, he forgot about it and got on the bus. It was only a few minutes later that I thought about my life...about how the scene would have looked to a neighbor if one had been watching out the window. Crazy, neighbor woman races her son up the driveway and throws his plate of food over the fence just as the school bus arrives.

As I finished my story, the woman asked me why I thought getting on the bus was often such a big production for Kellen. I told her that I didn't really know. Then she painted a dramatic scenario for me. One of Kellen as a little soldier going off to war. He needed to make a big deal out of eating his "last meal" and saying good-bye to his mother before he went off to battle. That was when I told her that Kellen's name means "warrior". “You named him Warrior, and he is. You send him off to school, and to him it is like going off to battle. You named him Warrior, then you're frustrated when he lives up to his name".

I saw things a little differently after that. Through her words, I realized that Kellen can be just as dramatic as his older sister. Sometimes he needs to make a big production out of things, and that's ok. It doesn't mean that I should let my feelings be swayed or feel sorry for him...just acknowledge to myself that he's simply being dramatic...and...a warrior is a warrior.