At work yesterday three of us got on the subject of talking respectfully about people. Two of us have sons with developmental disabilities and the third person is someone who is new to our organization and also new to the field of disabilities. There is nothing we like better then to run across someone with a real heart to learn!
The conversation started about how a child "wouldn't look people in the eye" and "does that mean she may be on the autism spectrum?" From there it went into the use of the word "wouldn't" in this situation. We explained that it probably isn't that she "wouldn't" look people in the eye, but maybe she "can't" look people in the eye. No, it's not that she can't but that she needs support to look people in the eye. It could also be that looking people in the eye is much further down the road, or not even all that important in the grand scheme of things.
It used to upset me when Kellen would come home from school with a note that said, "Kellen refused to ____ today". What about, "Kellen chose not to..." or simply, "Kellen didn't..."? Our kids have special needs, they aren't necessarily being willfully non-compliant. Ewwww....another word I detest: non-compliant.
Respectful language goes beyond person first language (putting the person before the disability), it's all about talking about, and with, people in a respectful way: preserving their dignity and advancing their reputation.
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4 comments:
Yes, using "wouldn't" means that the person using that word is imputing a motive to Kellen (or any of our kids) that may or may not be accurate.
The person using that word in a note or in speech is passing judgment--indeed, is blaming the child.
I remember asking a psychologist once "Is it that he CAN'T or that he WON'T?" The psychologist, after 3 years of working with the man in question, still would NOT pass judgment . . . He said "I don't know for sure". Which was very unsatisfactory, but very true.
Chris and Vic
Ah, words. I, too, despise the word 'non-compliant'. Or even
'compliant'. What, is my kid a dog?
Another word - 'functioning'. In - 'he seems high-functioning'. Again, these words don't seem like they should be applied to people who are actually human being first. Not subjects of some sort of psychology experiment.
Thanks Jodi,
And this is why I love reading your blog. Because you explain things that people don't automatically get.
Jacqui
Absolutely. So very well put!
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