All parents have too many responsibilities to balance, but especially parents of children with special needs. We all have our kids, our marriage, our home, our job or volunteer responsibilities. On top of those, we often have extra medical and therapy appointments, school meetings and care giving to attend to. I call what we do extreme parenting. Kind of like participating in an extreme sport like whitewater kayaking as opposed to a round of golf. As an extreme parent of a young man with disabilities, at times I feel like a juggler with too many balls in the air. It can feel quite overwhelming. I don't like that feeling.
A couple of years ago I had a conversation with a woman who helped me change my perspective. We discovered, together, that the reason I felt so stressed and overwhelmed was that I was thinking that I had to keep everything going and that if I let something drop it would break like an egg. The broken egg would make a mess on the floor and be a glaring example to me (and everyone who walked past) of just how inadequate I was at this thing called "life".
As we talked, she brought up a new idea for me to consider: maybe I could picture myself juggling balls instead of eggs. Balls that could be dropped and would bounce up again, unharmed. Balls that I could pick up and juggle again when I was ready.
This idea has really helped me think about my responsibilities in a more helpful way. If I need to let something go temporarily, it's okay. If I don't accomplish a task to the very best of my ability...it's not the end of the world. The things that I juggle in my life will always be there, ready for me to pick up, or put down, at will.
2 comments:
That is a great way of thinking about it. I actually cut back on the number of Evan's physical therapy appointments because they were taking up so much time, it was too overwhelming for me and not fair to Harry. I was so worried that by cutting back I would be harming Evan's chance at gaining use of his hand but that has not been the case, he has actually done better with fewer appointments.
How funny - Janette called it extreme parenting, too (in fact, the earlier version of our website was "parenting extreme").
Thanks for the tip. I think sometimes we get stuck in the egg metaphor, too.
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