All of this reading about resilience has got me thinking...Am I resilient or not? Some days I think I'm very resilient. I work hard to see humor in challenging situations. I'm self-confident and flexible. I do a fairly good job of focusing on my son and what he needs and I don't worry too much what other people think. I have definitely experienced a lot of adversity over the last two decades...and I'm still here. I'm a survivor. Bad things happen and I bounce back. Not always quickly. Not always gracefully. Definitely not without tears.
When I bounce back, I am changed. I can never go back to where I was, but some how, some way, I find a "new" normal. I bend, but I don't break. I get on with living. In reality, what are my choices? Despair? Can I really quit? It's not an option...for me.
On the other hand, many days I do not feel optimistic. I am more of a realist. I often take things personally, when I know it would be much more helpful if I didn't. Sometimes it takes me a good long time to change my thinking to a better perspective. Many of the things that happen in my life do not feel like they are under my control.
Yes, I do feel sorry for myself sometimes. No, I do not allow myself to play the victim. To me there is a difference. I fall, I cry, I dust myself off and I get up and get on with it. I do not fall, blame the root on the trail for tripping me and refuse to go on. I realize that there are many people who face far worse things then I experience. The world does not stop spinning for them and it won't for me either.
Some days I am more resilient then others. I think that is how it works. It was good to stop and consider this thing called "resilience."
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2 comments:
Yes I know what you mean - strangely enough I find I'm less resilient when things are going quite well - after a bad time or when I feel quite safe. Is it because then it's Ok to get in a tizzy? When things are really bad I normally find I've got an inner reserve of 'get through' stuff that I never realised was there. Thank you for your comment on my blog btw. Alice : )
When I think about resilience, which I have been doing lately, too, just as you have, Jodi, it seems that almost everything boils down to it, or relates to it.
For those who become addicted, they must haul themselves back--resilience.
For those who lose a job, they must be willing to face their "not being a good fit," and rebound or make themselves a good fit somewhere else.
For those who lose a love, they must come back even as loneliness and grief feel like quicksand around them.
For those of us who make mistakes, we must once again prove ourselves competent to ourselves and others, who may have learned to doubt us.
For those of us who must start over again after some alientating episode, a fight or after some slippage, we are behind square one, and must do the exhausting work of retracing all the steps, this time much more carefully.
For those of us who feel time is not on our side, that we are aging, we must still learn new things, learn the new technologies, the new values, the new codes of behavior and of ethics, and the new policies and procedures. We cannot give up nor even tread water--we must renew ourselves, re-invent ourselves, embracing what is new--that is, be resilient.
When we are not appreciated, we must be resilient. We must keep on doing the right thing, even if our kids and co-workers don't realize how much we contribute, how much we smooth the way, how much we head off problems before they overwhelm . . .
When we don't have enough money; when we don't know the answer; when we doubt ourselves, our bosses, our spouses, our kids, their teachers, the legislators, the local cops, the pediatrician, we must come at our doubts and our ignorance and our lacks with renewed energy to problem-solve and/or to accept every day.
We must come back and make peace with what we cannot resolve. We must pretend everything is going to be all right until we can make it all right. We can make a small part of it right, even if we cannot make it all go right---if we keep on coming back.
And I find, if I can muster the energy to be resilient, there will be something, even if it is some little thing, that will cheer me, or reward me for my effort and for my faith. The next day may dawn sweet-smelling, or with a lovely, billowy sky. Or there will be an inspiring piece of music on the radio. Or public radio will have an intriguing interview. Or my dog or my cat may want to play. Or the coffee may taste especially good . . . My kiddo may be having a good day, and say something funny or wise. I may have found a great read, and be able to indulge in extra time for reading. Or I may be wearing my favorite shirt or shoes and they feel comfortable next to my skin. Or I may execute a good kicking combination at Tae Kwon Do, where I feel and look really strong . . .
My daughter may call from Montana. My granddaughter will say "I love you". Bill will keep to his routines that are so steadying. He will make Swedish pancakes, which make the kitchen smell so good. Rewards. For. Resilience.
Chris and Vic
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