Mothers of kids with disabilities have a special bond. All we have to say is "I'm having a rough day" or "Joey is sick again" or "I may have to hang-up if the school calls" and we automatically "get it". No explanation is necessary.
One Friday night a month, a group of us get together for Mom's Night Out.
This is no ordinary support group. We don't sit around in a circle with a box of tissues. We usually meet at a restaurant, bring the latest pictures of our kids, and fight to hold any newborn babies who join us. Support and connection happens naturally as we're eating, drinking and laughing. Yes, there is a lot of laughing. There is so much laughing that often times our server or other restaurant patrons will ask us how we know each other. Is this some kind of reunion? party?
Often we tell them we are sisters. When their jaws drop, we give them the real shocker: we all have kids with disabilities. You can see the surprise in their eyes. If they linger long enough, our kid's pictures come out.
This picture is from our Mom's Weekend last spring. We went to the beach for two nights, just moms. We laughed all weekend. I mean, our kids and our lives are extremely funny when we get a little distance and a little perspective...when we are around moms who can relate.
I know that my posse has my back. If I need them, they'll be there. I hope you have a "posse" too. If you do, share your story.
8 comments:
Jodi, I found your blog indirectly while reading Dream Mom's, which I found while reading Neonatal Doc's and Ex Utero's.
There is something very serene about your perspectives, and I enjoy (need?) that.
Of course, I have an adopted son with disabilties, an ex-preemie, born at 25 weeks, 11 years ago.
He has many types of disabilities, with cognitive and behavioral at the top of the list. He has come a long way (from being cortically blind to being able to see, for example), but he will never live independently.
I have gone to Mom's nights out several times, with other mothers from the Special Ed moms group. Yes, the laughter and banter and sometimes even black humor sticks in my memory.
Right now, I have a wonderful comraderie online, belonging as I do to several online preemie support groups. It isn't quite the same as face-to-face, of course, but I know I have other moms to talk to. Sometimes, it seems as if I have even more access to them via email . . .
There is one mom that I see at Tae Kwon Do---we go as a family: Me, my son, Vic, my granddaughter, and my youngest biological son. She attends with her Down Syndrome son, as well. The other woman at Tae Kwon Do, when she gets warmed up, can smack those boards and targets . . . Whoa!!! I look over at her, and we smile, knowlingly, at one another. We both know what an outlet it is to smack a board or a kicking target . . . we are blowing off steam and frustration.
It is the same sisterhood that you are talking about in your post.
By the way, which chick are you, in the photo? I can't tell exactly who has the most tough-but-tender look---which is how I assume you would look . . .
Chris and Vic (CAK)
I am the one on the upper left. I asked for two pistols : )
Thanks for your kind words. What is CAK?
CAK is short for "cackle"---no, just kidding. It is my initials--Christine Allison Keller Esq.
Just think...if you adopt Kellen he could be Kellen Keller...
Now THAT'S funny!
Jodi, have you ever read Expecting Adam by Martha Beck? (She used to write columns in the Oprah magazine---but I haven't seen an "O" magazine in a while.) In any case, you guys seem to have similar values/outlook, including your sense of humor. You may find yet another chick for your posse in her writings.
Chris and Vic (CAK)
I'll take that as a real compliment as I love the writing style, wisdom, humor and practicality of Martha Beck.
Thank you.
Expecting Adam is Beck's story about her own Down Syndrome son! You have read it then?
Yes, you two have much in common!
CAK
Yes, I read Expecting Adam a few years ago and I also have one or two of her other books. I especially love her monthly column in O magazine. I think it would be really cool if she would write another book updating us on her life with Adam. I caught a glimpse of him on Oprah unloading her dishwasher and I was so impressed at the time : )
Post a Comment