Mentors

I'm lucky. I have the opportunity to meet and become friends with many adults with developmental disabilities. They have given me parenting advice, support, and some of them have become my best mentors over the years.

When Kellen was around seven years old, I ran into my friend, Len, while shopping downtown. I had Kellen strapped into a stroller as he was too big to carry, yet I couldn't trust him not to run away from me while out in public. I remember Len asking me how old Kellen was and then saying indignantly, "He is too old for that!" while pointing to the stroller. I took his advice seriously and gave away the stroller.

Another friend, Miguel, has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair, yet he was fascinated to learn more about Down syndrome. He would ask me all kinds of questions so that he could better understand what Kellen is living with. He has always been a great encouragement to me and is quick to tell me what I am doing right as a parent. I value his opinion because I know he has a unique, first-hand perspective on what it is like to live with a disability. He tells me what his parents did while he was growing up that was helpful and that which was not. I remember telling Miguel that I was trying to figure out a way for Kellen to be more independent in operating the VCR. Miguel thought about this for a few weeks, mulled it over in his head as if it was a challenging puzzle to solve. I appreciated how much he cared about someone else's independence as he struggles for his own.

Lastly is my good friend, Marcus who is a young adult living with developmental disabilities and mental illness. Marcus grew up in an orphanage and doesn't give me much parenting advice, but he is the most insightful person I have ever met. He senses how I feel before I have even expressed it. Marcus has been such a good listener and such a good friend to me as Kellen became a teenager. One time shortly after we first met, we were chatting in my office and Marcus asked me how I was doing. I told him that I wasn't doing so well and left it at that. He said to me, "You aren't happy when things aren't going well for Kellen, are you?" I was so astounded and touched. For someone who did not grow up with parents, he shot straight to the heart when it came to how parents feel about their kids with disabilities. He has brought up bullying often and reminds me to make sure that bullying doesn't happen to Kellen. He has attended some of the family events I put on through my work, and has mentioned to me that he felt that Kellen needed to be around less babies and young children and to be around more teens. Shortly after that conversation I started a teens group and organize bi-monthly social events for families of teens.

I cherish my mentors and continually look for more of them in my life. I hope other parents make an effort to get to know adults with disabilities in their communities. I am certain you will feel lucky as well.