I read Dave's blog this morning and I haven't stopped cheering. This is a must read for anyone raising a child with Down syndrome or any other disability. It is an unfortunate fact that our kids are vulnerable and they need to be allowed to say no, and yes, even be non-compliant in order to protect themselves.
This was something I learned when Kellen was still a toddler. I'm not sure where or exactly when, but I'm so glad I did. I remember clearly sitting in a preschool IEP meeting when Kellen was four or five years old. The teacher wanted to add a goal that Kellen would follow the directions given to him. She added that he was becoming quite non-compliant. That was all I had to hear. I calmly explained to her that putting a goal written like that in Kellen's IEP would not serve his best interest in the long-run and could even be dangerous. Compliance wasn't the goal...cooperation was. I don't think I could have shocked her more.
Just yesterday we drove Kellen to his grandmother's house so that they could spend some time together while Sweet Husband and I got a break. When we arrived at her house, Kellen wouldn't get out of the car. We were patient and waited several minutes. We didn't force him to comply. Finally he said he wanted to go home. His grandmother drove him back home and he promptly went to bed and slept the rest of the day. He was sick. Not getting out of the car was letting us know.
Kellen is sixteen and able to advocate for himself. If not with his voice, then with his feet. We celebrate independence day, every day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Jodi, thanks for the perfect example of what I was trying to say on my blog. And I'm thankful that you were wise enough as a parent to protect your son from a life of servitude. On Sept 24th, a long while ago, I learned to be non-compliant too ... and it felt good. Dave Hingsburger
I had that problem with my son's pre-school. They said he was saying "No" to them like it was a bad thing.
We told him it is ok to say "No" to an adult. He might not like the result but it is perfectly OK to voice one's displeasure with a situation or authority.
wow, I think the perspective you mention ("Compliance wasn't the goal...cooperation was.") could be a sea change for many parents who are new to raising a child with a disability. good post.
Fantastic post Jodi.
We are SO on the same page on this topic! I've had to fight IEP goals for compliance every year, and every year, someone will look at me like I'm insane when I say that I want my son to say "no" "All done." "None of those" "I don't want to."
"Yes" means nothing unless "no" is an equally viable option.
Rachel, Daniel's mom
I hate that word compliance. It is a word for victim's and disempowered people. Yecchh!
Post a Comment