Power and Struggle

Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.
Tao Te Ching

It's been kind of a gloomy morning outside. To brighten things up, I lit a candle on the kitchen table and then set about emptying the dishwasher. Not a minute later I heard Kellen blow the candle out. I didn't react...simply continued to empty the dishwasher...but this scenario started me thinking.

It would be easy to relight the candle. To relight the candle would tempt Kellen to blow it out again. This could easily become a power struggle...frustrating for me...maybe fun for him.

Without the thing to be struggled against, there is no struggle.

One thing I've learned through parenting Kellen is to avoid a power struggle. I am the middle child of three and by nature I'm a competitive person. I like to compete and I love to win. This was a fine, and even desirable, when I was in college competing on the tennis court...but I've learned that it doesn't work in relationships. Kellen, more than anyone in my life has taught me that many times the key to "winning" is not to play the game. Sometimes the key to winning is not to engage in the conflict.

He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.

Sometimes winning is mastering yourself.

Sometimes winning is waiting until he moves on...into another room...and then relighting the candle.