Getting Through Puberty (part eight)

Addressing becoming a man
When Kellen started puberty around age thirteen, we started taking a look at how we could support him better. One of the things that I became aware of is that he had many women in his life and hardly any male influence besides his dad. Most of his day was spent with me, his sister, his female teachers and his female paraeducator. I was the one that had always gotten him off to school in the morning and been there for him after school. I was the one who stayed home with him if he was sick or whenever there was a day off from school. This had never seemed like a big deal, but a male influence started to take on a lot more importance at age thirteen.

I remembered back to the time when my older brother was a teenager and would challenge my mom when my dad wasn't around. Kellen was standing up to me as well. We decided to make a major change in sweet husband's work schedule so that he could be home in the mornings to get Kellen off to school. I couldn't believe how much stress this took off of me, and our mother-son relationship. Kellen grew much closer to his dad having this time every morning together. It meant that sweet husband got home much later in the evening, but the benefits were worth it.

When Kellen's current paraeducator decided not to move up from elementary to middle school with him, I took it as an opportunity to request a male para for Kellen. I learned that male paraeducators are in high demand! Kellen was paired with Mr. Campbell, a kindly older gentleman with a British accent and British manners. Mr. Campbell was a real gift to us at this time in Kellen's life. He taught Kellen the phrase, "ladies first" and convinced Kellen that wearing a tie was cool. He would bring an extra tie to school for Kellen and they would dress alike on "twins day". In many ways Mr. Campbell taught Kellen more about what it was to be a man.

We also began to talk to Kellen about being a teenager and becoming a man. We gave him more privileges and worked with him on carrying a wallet and independently paying for things he wanted. He was so proud to stand in line at Costco and buy himself a hotdog and Coke while we watched from afar. We would stay in the car and let him return his DVDs to Blockbuster. He would walk back to the car with a little smirk on his face. It was obvious that these small steps were paying big dividends to his self-esteem and helping him feel more grown up.

Probably one of the biggest consessions we made was to buy him a small electric shaver and letting him shave even though he didn't have anything to shave yet. He was constantly "borrowing" his dad's disposable shavers and sometimes cutting himself. We decided to give in and work with him on learning to shave. This turned out to be a good move on our part.

Just as Kellen is learning to become a man, we are learning to be parents of a young man. These are big steps for all of us.